心碎的声音听不到.

Hi . Sudden urge of blogging after reading back all the post you used to blog for me. After some time being together , we been together for 1 year & 7 months already uh? HAHAHA . Time passéd so fast and this month gonna be our 1 year & 8 month being together but why do I feel so empty ? You said you didn't know how to sweet talk or post long message and stuff to me but you used* to , ohya I mean really used to . You could blog for me , write for me , call me just to tell me I love you but why did you stopped doing it . Because we been together for long and there isn't any needs to do so anymore , because you been seeing me everyday as we are staying together so things started fading and changing , because you are tired of showing me how much you loved me and how much you cared ? Our first quarrel became something normal these day , crying alone waiting for you to come and just hug me for a moment became a daily routine . Worse still you can't even be bother with me at times . I don't want you to fall asleep before I sleep but do you know why ? I tend to think a lot during night or even during the day. I don't want to feel alone , I want you to stay beside me , watching me to let me feel secure. You remember the first time you promised me you will never leave me alone crying when we were just together for 2montha + . Remember the first time I shouted and cried like a mad dog because of celena ? The very first time I showed you attitude and ya that happened to be the first time you told me not to be crazy . Remember the first time you shouted at me ? Telling me you had enough for me ? @ marina square . Can you feel how heartbroken was I back then ? Everything started changing as time pass , augments became our daily routine , memories fading , love and care getting lesser . It been a long time since I really laughed really smile because I'm happy . Yes all along I been showing that I'm happy but you know what ? I'm not , I couldn't find back the smile I used to have anymore . Be it how much I try , how much I smile I know things have changed , you changed , our love changed , I changed . Remember the first time you promised not to leave me alone because of maxtune ? Remember the first time you thrown away your cards for me & you told me you want me to stay ? Broken promises* The longer we get together the more often i use to sit beside you spending hours watching you playing maxtune . Do you know I been crying all day long , every single night , every single quarrel . How much my heart hurt whenever I say those harsh words to you ? But that's the only way I left to protect myself , I'm selfish . I'm tired I don't want to get myself hurt anymore that's why I choose to hurt you with my words than remaining silent but that doesn't help , it still break my heart like hell . You know I'm so afraid of you leaving some day ? Because I know you will . Take it as I'm assuming but that's how you showed me . I asked you to leave , to go back to your place , I say that I don't want to see you anymore but do you know each time i said that I'm so afraid of you being serious of what I say and leave . Whenever you hug me and I pushed you away , do you know actually I just wanted to protect myself by letting you feel that I don't need anyone to pity me and the moment you let go , how fucking down I'm ? I'm feel so unstable with you , so insecure , I have so much to say yet I know you wouldn't understand . I'm unreasonable , I aren't understanding , I know you been tolerating all along . I'm sorry for all the things I did to hurt you. I know I obviously got no right to request anything from you & I don't deserve you and the things you did for me . If I could choose again , I would leave 1 year & 7 months back , I wouldn't talk to you not because I regret but because I know we wouldn't come to this state now. I know you won't bother reading this post or maybe you won't even know this post existed so let's all not bother . I just wanna make myself feel better that's all.